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Aug 2015

Three Ways Local Government is More Lame Than Your Parents

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Well, you did it. You made it to 18. It’s time to fly the coop, hit the road, and fight for your right to party. After all, since you’re technically legal, it’s not like you have your parents or silly rules to live by anymore, right? WRONG. Now that you’re of legal age, you have a whole different law to abide by – and it’s, well, the law.

While you may not have to live under your parents’ rules, you now have a whole new higher authority to answer to. It’s now your duty to vote and make your voice heard, since you’re an upright citizen and all, but there are some things that can’t be weaseled out of. Don’t believe us? Here are three ways that the Man is way lamer than your parents.

1 Curfew

So you’re finally settled into college life, and love the freedom of the nightlife atmosphere. Or, you’ve moved on to bigger and better things, and secretly love calling yourself a ‘YoPro,’ even though you swear that you’re just saying it jokingly.

Regardless, never thought you’d have to answer to a curfew again, did ya? Well, face the facts – citywide curfews can be put in affect at any time. While typically reserved for a state of emergency and primarily targeting youths, it will likely prompt a closing from your favorite bars downtown. Closing time may usually be 4 a.m., but during a curfew, you can expect happy hour to almost definitely be cut short.

2 Parking Tickets

While this hits close to home for most of our city-dwelling friends, anyone who’s ever had to go into town surely knows this pain. After spending 20 minutes circling the parking spots, you finally get lucky – only to realize that your appointment to meeting has run over. Well, your meter only expired 12 minutes ago; you’ll probably be fine, right? Wrong again.

On average, states employ a few hundred parking enforcement officers. Some states, like Texas, Florida and New York, employ upwards of a thousand officers. The local government is the largest employer of parking enforcement officers, so keep your meter filled, people! If not, that ticket will cost you. Depending where you live, an unpaid ticket will just drive up your fine (it’s completely possible to drive this fine into the thousands). If you want to keep ignoring your ticket, that’s fine by us, but don’t be shocked when you find a boot on your car on day. Yes, those tickets can escalate into booting your car, which will almost certainly turn that $8 ticket into the thousands.

3 Noise Ordinances

So you consider yourself a law-abiding citizen: no speeding, no parking tickets, no jaywalking. Congratulations, it’s time to celebrate! Before you go throwing the party of the year, however, check your municipality’s current noise ordinance. While you might think it’s okay to throw the next Project X, chances are, your neighbors won’t be too appreciative.

Unless you have a permit to exceed the ‘acceptable decibel level per day of the week,’ you could be looking at any number of repercussions. Get busted once? You could get slapped with a fine (plus the property damage you could have for such a blowout rager? Ouch). If you become a repeat offender, however, you could become a ‘chronic noise producer,’ at which point you’ll be looking at a whole laundry list of consequences.

How bad do you think your parents’ rules are now? Yeah, we know, the government can be pretty lame sometimes. But don’t say we didn’t warn you the next time you get caught red-handed for one of the above.

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